Please hold your indifference and let the failure vent and drown in her own pity. I promise you can go ahead and explain how fed-up you are later.

I'm not doing this for attention. Infact I want people to ignore it like what I do to their journals. I just have the urge to type how I feel and vent out my problems. That's one reason why the internet is made. For emo kids to bitch.

The nutshell is... like all the other journal entries I've put on this site... how much I hate myself and what I done to myself.

"Then fix it!" you respond.

You know I would LOVE to do it, but I'm a lazy fat slob who hasn't worked a day in her life. I mock the people who get everything handed to them, when I myself am that kind of person. Welcome to the United States! We are hypocrites!

I can't deal with growing up. I don't want to go to college and get a job and pay bill and all that bull shit. So many things are bombarding me and I can't get it under control. I've gone to the point where I've just let them get out of control.

Trust me. I've asked help, but I still don't know how to settle shit down. I have no idea what college I want to go to, and I'm stuck to the point where I'll go to any college that accepts me.

I have everything to for an application; I just don't know how to send it. Then again, what decent college dares look at my transcripts? I'm a horrible student. I can't write decently, which is why I resort to this: Babbling about my problems that I ask other people to fix. Please don't try to fix my problems. Let me suffer, and maybe I'll put an end to all of it. For good...

I don't have friends. Only competition. And I can't help but to hate them with every fiber of my being. I hate them so much, that I just want to bash their face in with my own fist. I have friends so ignorant but happy, and friends so smart and so prepared. I can't deal with this jealousy I have towards them.

My feelings is this gigantic mix of misery and fury. I'm so desperate to run from it all, because I just can't handle it anymore. I've surpressed it so much in that little bottle I keep within myself that now it's overflowing.

I want to die.

I want someone to come in and kill me or just wake up dead.

Call me a coward. I'm left so spineless that words don't matter to me anymore. I don't have a bright future to look forward to. I don't feel anyone having my back.

You've all read this millions and millions of time and you all probably want me to either A) "Grow a spine" or B) "Just Die".

Hopefully things will turn around, and I'll finally figure out what to do. If not, well, it won't matter to a dead person.

Cross you fingers and pray for Letter "B". As all Social Darwinists believe, it's survival of the fittest and I'm obviously not fit.

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Ironically... I've been drawing happy pictures. Maybe brain is telling me what I need.

I'm so tired...